TOG Characters as John Mulaney Quotes

aelin-and-feyre:

Aelin: Y’know those days where you’re like ‘this might as well happen?’, adult life is already so goddamn weird.

Rowan: It’s fun to say ‘my wife’. I’m looking forward to saying it. “Get away from my wife!” “No one talks to my wife!” “I didn’t kill my wife!”

Dorian: Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die, I can’t have them roaming around.

Chaol: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.

Lysandra: “How could another person kill someone? How could a human being kill another human being?” And then I got cheated on, and I was like, “Oh, okay.”

Aedion: No! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about!

Manon: Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.

Lorcan: *pointing to his chest* I’ll keep all of my emotions right here and then one day, I’ll die. 

Elide: “ I was a French maid for a period of time. I was treated well in my day. I worked for a variety of sirs.

Fenrys: When you search your name, the third thing to come up is like, “Fenrys, bull?”

Gavriel: I’m either having a drink or I have to pee, you’re livin’ the golden years, kid, not me.

Ansel: Because it’s the one thing you can’t replace

Yrene: The more you do stuff the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

Nesryn: I always thought quicksand would be a much bigger issue than it turned out to be.

Sartaq: Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken.

Evangeline: I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

ACOTAR Version

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